Delhi ‘o’ Delhi

Let me introduce myself again in case you’ve forgotten any bit of me. I’m the same old fat guy with no money who had been traumatizing you with his poems in the middle of night and his blogs every new moon. Remember me? Yah yah.. I know that you do. Its just that you’re faking a displeasure of meeting me again after so long. Ok.. “Sorry Bola na maine”. I’ll ‘Try’ to be a bit regular from now.

And by the way…. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Gurpurab, Happy Lohri :D

Ok baba Sorry again… :)

Life’s changed. Life’s being learned. I recall the day I left my homeland following a tune which came from a distance. I chased it blindly in hunt of the blissful land where it came from. The thoughts rushing through my mind admonished me with just three words. “Nothing Like Home” But, with no other options, and no other way to make a livelihood and to learn life, I ended up in this place called Delhi.

Delhi ‘o‘ Delhi, it’s a dish made up of ingredients which the best of cooks can’t chew over with a spoonful of Delhi. With every spoon you come across a new flavor, 100 Rs for two scoops of ice cream, and then being consoled with the gift from Englishmen “Sorry Sir!”, jam-packed local buses which indeed need a special mention, the traffic jams, and of course the homesick Deepi. I’ll take a pleasure to explain each one of them.

Ok so Patialvi’s how much will you pay for an ice cream in a cup, two scoops of it. Ok given that the ice cream is branded, and the hygiene level is the best you can expect in Delhi. And Of course, the shop is in a mall in Gurgaon. 50 Rs? 100 Rs? Hmm a lil close, but still you’re lazy to count a bit more. It was my first weekend here when I went to a mall in Gurgaon with one of my friends. Nothing to do, tickling the taste buds with the ice cream flavor sounded a good idea. So there we were tasting every flavour and finally choosing a mixture of Mango and Chocolate Fudge. The rate list said 50 Rs. Ok. The sweetdish was put into the cup and it was the turn to hand over the money now. A hundred rupee note makes it way out of my pocket into the hands of the recipient and my hands wait for 50 Rs being given back. But the situation was different. Instead of my hands, my ears heard the worst of words it’s ever done.

“Its Hundred and One Rupees Sir”

“Huh?”

“Yes Sir, its fifty rupees per scoop” and he ends it with, “I’m sorry sir”

Lesson 1 Complete.

Lesson 2

This is a good one for me. Getting up all by myself in the morning. Getting ready(that was always by myself.. hope that keeps shut the filthy minds). Making my bed before I sleep and after I wake up. Etc. etc. etc. Don’t find the need to exaggerate the things. You know I’m against self praising :)

Lesson 3

The Delhi Locals. Now that brings out my daily schedule. DTC local in morning at 9:15. Reaching the first stop. Then another local, or a preferable 15 mins of walk to office. The lifeline of Delhi, the delhi locals, is a mess.!!!! I’ll get into Punjabi mode here.

Bande te banda chadheya hoiya hai.. kisi di taaki nahi kisi di baari kharki, har dooji kudi laggey meri girlfriend wargi.

Hale tan sardiyan ne, garmiyan vich hal hor maarhey hone ne. When I’ll be forced to smell the perspiration from the armpits of the riders clinging to the rod which goes overhead. And I pity the ones who’ll smell mine ;)

The best thing about Delhi locals are its conductors. Just like a waiter speaks out the menu in a dhaba, these conductors have a ready to eat dish of the bus stops. They speak out the names in one go, kisi ko samajh aye ya na aye vo unki tension. They’ve done their job! Another thing worth mentioning is their microscopic, radioscopic, atomoscopic, bhoruscopic eyes. In a jampacked bus, at every 10 seconds they can be heard saying…

“Chalo Chalo aagey chalo.. bohat jagah hai abhi…”

Bhai kahan aagey jayein, yahan hath hilane ki jagah nahi…

But the guy actually sees it.. “arey chalo na bohat jagah hai.. badhtey raho aagey”..

Another thing before it slips out. There are two conductors, one in front, other at back. Aagey vala says Peechey chalo bohat jagah hai.. and peechey vala says aagey chalo bohat jagah khali hai

Anyhow, that’s all from my boring end. Cya later soon with more of lessons after I shift to a PG next month.. Tata