How to be a 'Dassi'

Exams starting from Monday… It might be surprising for many as to how could I get time to write a post. Ummm… I had to, just for a social cause, to help those ‘veer jawan’ who are fighting to earn a 10 CGPA. Just some laws and theories that could change your status from a seven point someone to a ‘dassi’.

Ten Simple laws, enlisted in increasing order of their importance.

10. Study in an optimized manner… That’s what you already do, the difference lies in what you study. Study only what the teacher speaks in the class.

9. Pretend that you are intelligent. Theres are two ways to do it…

i) Be the most “beeba bacha” in the class….

ii) Sit with an intelligent lad. Be the most mischievous guy in the class. The teacher is sure to ask you the question. Before that sms your friend sitting in other corner to create chaos when the question is asked. You have the time to consult for the answer when the teacher’s attention is towards the chaos.

8. “The Law of Orkutting”. If u have a free internet connection or a broadband, keep yourself logged in 24*7. Keep some depressing orkut name added on with a depressing pic. This provides two benefits, one that , it makes people feel that you are not studying. Second, you are sure to get many best wishes for the exams. YOU NEED THEM BADLY!!!

7. Every senior is your helper. Keep a separate telephone directory for them.

6. "The BEE Theory”.. just like an irritating bee, keep wandering in and out of teachers’ room. He might divulge an important question, and also give some Photostat notes with important lines marked.

5. Target the Library Staff… It is a known fact that the books generally aren’t reissued. Believe me they are. Just find an uncle/aunty in the library.

4. The “Law of Chamchagiri”… It’s one of the most important laws.. remember. The teacher is your ‘ann-data’, the one to give you marks. She/He is the sexiest creature on earth and is equipped with Newton’s Brain. Let the teacher know that. (Please don’t make it a habit, or u might start believing it.

3. “The Rishtedar Theory”. Make a list of All the teachers, and try to find out where can you find a rishtedari with them. Uncle, Aunty, Chacha, Chachi, Didi, Bhanji, Saas, Sasur, Dada Dadi. Kuch bhi chalega… bass get them to know that you are their ‘rishtedaar’

2. “The Half Mark Theory”.. This comes into effect when you get the checked answer sheets. When you’ve written something but you know that your answer is wrong. Teacher ko Choorhna nahi… pakde rakhna… roona peetna….. end me khushi hi milegi….

1. THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL…. Its coined by my friend Suneet. “The Vomit Theory” For every question, just vomit out what ever you’ve swallowed in its context, may it be relevant or irrelevant. Remember that those examination hours are the ones when you get a ‘golden’ chance to make theories. In short, teachers nu fuddu banaun da uhi mauka hunda hai…

SATUTORY WARNING: TESTED AN PROVED UNDER STANDARD CONDITIONS. THE RESULTS MAY VARY.
*THE WRITER IS AN ASPIRING DASSI